Kids With Mullets: Why?

Upon arrival into the Minneapolis/ St. Paul International Airport I took the 8 mile trek to baggage claim and was greeted by one of the most horrific sights in Christendom:

The kiddie mullet.

This little boy, I'll call him "Cletus", was probably no older than 7 years old, and was running around the terminal like he'd just been given his first 8-ball (cocaine, not novelty item). Of course, cocaine is a high class drug, so maybe it was crystal meth. Anyway. Cletus was sporting faded denim jeans, high top sneakers, a Starter jacket (I didn't know they even made those for munchkins)and some manner of stain covered sweater- in all an exact replica in miniature of his daddy. Now, on top of all of this was a mullet that would have done Billy Ray Cyrus proud... it was super short along the back and sides with a litte tufting at the top, some spiky front bangs, and a series of curly ducktails eminating from the bottom of his skull like horrible fingers of sartorial ugliness.

Now I know what some of you are thinking: "The kid's parents are probably dirt poor you callous bitch." And you are probably right. But I don't fault them for shopping at Goodwill or keeping Cletus warm and clothed. In that they should be commended. What I don't get is the fashion haircut. Those sorts of styles, not matter how ugly, cost real money. So wouldn't it be better for all involved if you just cut junior's hair with a bowl and called it a day? Given a choice I think the world would rather look at Moe than Mel Gibson circa 1987.

This sort of hair choice on a child just defies all understanding. It's complex, it requires upkeep- even product in some extreme cases. The more hair you have on a kid the more you have to hogtie them to wash it, and you just know those little tendrils are going to pick up dirt from God know's where. And furthermore, why would you want your child to look like a diminuitive Nascar driver? Is it the red state equivalent of dressing your daughter in a tutu to make her want to be a ballerina or giving your son a basketball in an attempt to make him into the next Michael Jordan? And what if Cletus ends up like Martina Navritalova? She had a mullet too. Do you think his parents would be happy then?