Attack of the Ear Thingies!!!

Readers, what the hell is with the ear bud cell phones? How did these get marketed? "Look like you're a crazy homeless man yelling at yourself in the airport!" "Have deeply personal and explicit conversations in front of a room full of strangers!" "Yell at your wife and humilate your family in public without ever leaving work!"

Seriously.

I saw no less than 87 people wearing these ludicrous things yesterday, doing all manner of activities. And they were all men. What that means, I don't know, but I'll venture a guess it has something to do with showing off one's penis. There was a guy sitting at a restaurant eating dinner, still with that thing stuck to the side of his head like he was a member of the Borg. There was a guy roaming the halls of the terminal screaming at some poor woman about god knows what- oh wait, I do know, because HE SHARED IT WITH ME AND THE OTHER THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE IN THE AIRPORT. Seriously, I understand the appeal of the hands free, I really do, but can you confine that to your driving, or when you have some intense knitting to be done, or maybe even in the bathroom? Not in public. No one needs to hear the details of your life, even if you are a mega-important master of the universe business man. And really, how important can you be if you're wearing a polo and a sportscoat? Not that important, friends. If you really want to show off, why don't you hire a smaller person to run around under you holding your phone to your ear? That is real power.