I Heart Miss Japan

Tonight, while stuffing our faces with roasted chicken Waymy (meaning Amy and Wayne, thanks Tai!) and I watched the Miss Universe Pageant. This was of course a completely accurate metaphor for American society as a whole (except that Wayne is Irish...anyway): sitting on the couch, gorging ourselves while watching anorexic foriegn women objectify themselves on TV. Ish. But, that being said, it was kind of fun. These women may have been smart, I don't know, but their profiles were like a competition in the Insipid Olympics. One of the them, i think it was Miss Trinidad and Tobago, listed "Meditating, Watching Movies, and Socializing" as her interests. The next, Miss Puerto Rico (and as an aside, why is there a Miss PR? Aren't they techinically a part of the US? I know they aren't a state, they are a territory... is this a trade off for not having representation in congress?) mentioned "Watching Reality TV" as one of her interests. And Miss USA, who I'm pretty sure was legally retarded, mentioned "playing with her Cat and Dogs". I think that was a euphemism.

The one exception to this was Miss Japan. She was a looker to be sure, I wouldn't have kicked her out of bed (ok, well I probably would because a) I'm not gay and b) I'd be really freaked out to wake up and have Miss Japan sleeping next to me), but this was what won me over: her short list of interests was "French Cinematography" and "Flamenco Dancing". This may not seem like much, but in comparisson to "socializing" she might has well have listed "Nuclear Physics". During the Evening Gown competition Miss Japan (or MJ, like I prefer to call her) was the only one wearing black, while everyone else looked like some sort of demented taffeta cupcakes. She came off as elegant, intelligent, and charming, while the others seemed confused and uncomfortable. Then, the piece de resistance: during the "interview" (or one idiotic question that your other finalists wrote in eyeliner while trying to remember how to spell) MJ was asked the question "If you could change one thing in history, what would it be?" Now, knowing MJ as I do, I thought for sure this Okinawa homegirl would break out with "Not having nuclear bombs dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki would have been great", but she did one better. In the middle of a beauty pageant, in which her job is to be objectified by a panel of mostly male judges and the international public at large, she says that what she would change through time was "the history of men oppressing women." Boo-ya.

Of course, MJ got second place, she was the first runner up, so in the event that someone finds inappropriate pictures of Miss Puerto Rico she might get a chance at that crown. But when she found out that she lost, she took her flowers and walked off stage. Didn't stick around to smile and cry and pretend to be happy for the winner like the rest of hypocrits, she just left, like "Screw you stupid bitches, I've got some French Cinema to watch." And I love her even more for that.